Baseball, gentleman! Baseball!!

Since I launched this blog several months ago, I purposely have steered clear of political matters, mainly because I have observed that in these days of division and polarization, little often is accomplished by airing one's political opinions on such a public forum, other than preaching to the choir and/or bruising fragile egos. This self-imposed embargo, however, does have room for exceptions, and this entry is one of them.

I go into this potentially sensitive area because the issue at hand deals not just with politics, but also one of my big loves, baseball. Some of you may be aware that Major League Baseball, in its continuing mission to garner positive public opinion from the masses, as well as promoting the world's greatest sport to the world itself and acknowledging the growing international presence in the U.S. leagues, will stage the inaugural World Baseball Classic this coming spring. Sixteen nations are scheduled to be represented, including Canada, Japan, Italy, the Netherlands, and a myriad of squads from Latin America, where baseball has never been more popular. One of the countries in the region that has been invited to take part in baseball's equivalent of the World Cup is Cuba - a natural choice, considering the powerhouse Cuban teams that have been sent to the Olympics and other international tournaments. The prospect of a U.S.-Cuban matchup at some point during the WBC surely had baseball fans salivating at seeing Cuba's best players take on the likes of Barry Bonds, Derek Jeter and Roger Clemens.

Well, those fans had better towel off, because as of now Cuba is out of the tournament. This is the decree of our friends in the U.S. government - specifically, the Treasury Department, and even more specifically, the Office of Foreign Assets Control, which has denied the Cuban team a permit to play in the WBC, citing the embargo status the U.S. has against Cuba's Communist government.

This is crap. The whole idea of international athletics is to keep the politics at home in the name of sports, competition, and peace and harmony. And while the previous statements turns out to be bunk more often than not, that doesn't mean it's time to stop living up to it. It's extremely disappointing that the U.S. government, which currently is run by a self-described baseball fanatic, has seen fit to put the kibosh on what was designed to be a glowing example of how a game can bring people and nations together. Major League Baseball and the players' union already have pledged to try to get a reversal of this decision, and I expect politicians on both sides of the Cuba issue to have their two cents' worth before all is over, but considering the stubborn streak in the current administration, all that huffing and puffing may not be enough to convince the powers that be to chance their minds. If that doesn't happen, maybe the organizers of the WBC should consider playing the games based in the U.S. - and the potential millions of revenue the tournament may earn - to a more hospitable location. I hear Havana's lovely in the springtime.

Click on the subject line for an article about the situation - that is, if you haven't stopped reading out of patriotic disgust or something.

Speaking of commercials ...

Here is an example of a commercial gone terrible, terribly wrong. It's another ad from our friends of Carl's Jr., best known for heart-attack-inducing cheeseburgers and a commercial in which Paris Hilton all but had sex with one of the oversized sandwiches. Their newest TV spot endorses what they say are sensational, great-tasting milkshakes. But I'll never know, 'cause after seeing this on the tube the other day, I will never be able to consume a Carl's Jr. shake without possible barfing it back up with this thing going through my head.

Besides, Hersheys Creamy Chocolate Milkshakes, availble in your grocer's dairy section, are cheaper and fantastic, and don't use pseudo cow sex as part of their marketing campaign.

Click on the subject line for the icky sights, if you dare. Moo.

More "fun" with freaky commercials

Click on the subject line for another example of weird-ass marketing. You'll never listen to Lionel Richie the same way again.

That mutha was crazy!

"I think he's the most influential comedian of the half century."
- Bob Newhart on Richard Pryor

Rest in peace, Richard. And thanks for the laughs.

In the year 2005 ... fresh pepper for everyone!

Remember that creepy song, "In the Year 2525?" No? Well, why don't you?

"In the Year 2525" was a little tune from the summer of 1969, when the Cubs were hot, the moon was a travel destination and Charles Manson had abandoned his musical career for something more hands on. The song, which hit #1, was basically how man was slowly going to grow obsolete as technology, which was supposed to make things easier for us, did just that, with ominous effects on our lazy asses. Of course, it was just a song, right?

Well, yeah. And yet ... what do I see on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" this afternoon but a sign that, in fact, we are running out of things to do with ourselves. Because Ellen is doing her annual Christmas thing of giving her audiences cool and snazzy gifts to give to their loved ones, or just keep themselves. On this day she presented a bunch of stuff courtesy of your friends at the fancy cookery company Sur la Table. And one of those items was ... wait for it ... the electric pepper mill.


That's right! No more of the fun twisting and turning required to coat your delicious salad with the bright taste of fresh ground pepper! Now you're just one button away from peppery goodness!

Personally, I think it looks like a glistening, cutting-edge sex toy, but that may say more about me than anything else.

Oh, by the way, Ellen is setting herself up to be the heir apparent should Oprah ever throw her hands up and decide that we as a people just aren't worth it. In fact, they're almost twins, except that Oprah isn't white or gay or a sneaker aficionado. I say that because they're both nice people, they both give away lots of loot to the less fortunate, and they both have audiences that go absolutely apes*** whenever they get free stuff for just being there. Honestly, there were times this week that I feared for Ellen's life, with the way her fans were whooping it up. Shades of "Day of the Locust" went through my mind.

P.S. Still don't believe me about the pepper mill? Click on the subject line for the cold hard truth.

Coke heads

In case you have forgotten - and why would you have, never mind Iraq, political scandal, the BCS and Jennifer Aniston topless - the Cola Wars continue to rage on in the supermarkets, restaurants and schoolyards of the world. We were reminded of this today with word that Coca-Cola is changing advertising slogans as part of their eternal struggle with Pepsi for the blood-sugar levels of our young:

Coke to retire 'Real' with new tagline in 2006 - Dec. 8, 2005: "Coca Cola, threatened with becoming second in market value to archrival PepsiCo for the first time, will debut an aggressive marketing push next year that begins with a new global slogan -- 'Welcome to the Coke side of life' -- to replace its current 'Real' tagline."

Yep, the "Coke side of life." Eric Idle should sue, along with the drug dealers of America. Also, this proves that the marketing team at Coke Central could use a dose of creativity. I mean, get "real," already.

In other news, Coke is preparing to market a new beverage targeed for older consumers, a cola-coffee combo entitled "Blak." The name tested better than the original choice, "Crude Oil."

Imagine ..

... a world where this man wasn't senselessly murdered 25 years ago today.



You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

And the Jon-Erik Hexum Memorial Marksmanship Award goes to ...

Pen Gun Accident Kills Budding Rapper - Yahoo! News

This is a sad story, of course. But, honestly, what was this guy thinking? Or not thinking, as it were?

What do those bumps mean?

Clicking on the subject line above will hurl you through cyberspace to one of the more unusual sights on the pop culture horizon, even though it actually isn't. Yes, Virginia, they do publish Playboy in Braille.

Now, the first question that may come to mind upon hearing such a fact is, "Why?"

Why, indeed. It seem absurd in the face of it. "Uh, isn't Playboy famous for its pictures of nude women?" And you would be right. But there are words in there as well. And if nothing else, look at this as proof that some people do read Playboy for the articles.

Besides, Playboy in Braille has been a staple of the visually-impared market for 35 years - and, yeah, it is indeed published by the Library of Congress, part of a publishing program for the blind that includes Rolling Stone, Seventeen, Ladies' Home Journal, Popular Mechanics and Martha Stewart Living. And those without sight have the best of both words - they can appreciate Playboy's fine journalism, and they've never seen La Toya Jackson naked. (Not to mention what the Chicago Bulls were wearing last night!)

The Sting of Progress

Click on the headline above to go to an article about how-bomb sniffing dogs may soon be replaced by - wait for it - trained, non-stinging wasps. The rationale is that the wasps are more easily trained than our four-legged friends, at a savings of lots of time and loads of money. The article itself isn't funny, but one must feel bad about the impending loss of employment by the brave and loyal canines that have kept us safe through the years. But fear not for them - word is that dogs may be replacing airline pilots. After all, they have no union and will work just for kibble. All they have to do is keep the mutts from sticking their heads out of the windows of the cockpits.

What the ... ?

These are the medals for the Winter Olypics in Turin next February? Have the Italians been drinking too much chianti? Or will the entire Games be played on a bitchin' Windows XP setup?

There's a hole! In the medals! Egad!

Oh, crap!

So, you remember Nick and Jessica, those great kids who just couldn't make it work? Well, get this - according to the crack staff at Entertainment Weekly, Ms. Simpson and Mr. Lachey didn't have a prenuptial agreement. Which, in Hollywood langugage, means bloodbath. Now, it's possible that the ex-Newlyweds will comport themselves with maturity if and when this thing heads into divorce court, that the dirt won't fly in the quest for the inexplicable millions the two have earned over the past few years. But that wouldn't be fun, right?

Boy, I hope Nick and Jessica aren't reading this. I sound catty.

Glad Gregory Peck Isn't Alive to See This ...

So get this - apparently somebody has and stolen Gregory Peck's star right out of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. This isn't the first time that a star's star has gone missing. In fact, it's the fourth. But in the other three cases, the markers honoring Jimmy Stewart, Kirk Douglas and Gene Autry had been temporarily removed during construction when they went poof. Here, someone seems to have taken a cement saw and ripped Greg's honor right out of the sidewalk. (Methinks someone may be have seen "Amazing Grace and Chuck" about five too many times here.)

The amazing thing is that no one seems to know exactly when the crime took place. The best the police can come up with is that the star was stolen between Nov. 17 and Nov. 22. Now, I don't know how many of you have been to Hollywood Boulevard, but it's hardly what's known as a quiet, unpopulated nook. It's filled with a myriad of tourist, kooks and, er, working ladies pretty much 24/7. And as crazy as a lot of them may be, surely somone would have noticed someone performing surgery on the pavement.

Well, here's hoping that the culprit is nabbed and that Peck's star is soon back where it belongs. And as for the thief - well, he may need an attorney as good as Atticus Finch to get out of this one.

What movie am I?

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Courtesy of my pal Beth. Go to her site (bookmarked below) to see which film she is.

Helping the kids out ... but ...

There is a plan afoot to supply the world's schoolkids, particularly those of limited means, with cheap laptop computers that will assist them in the classroom and the library. The models will cost less than $100 and have open-source operating software, along with wireless Internet access and a hand crank to generate electricity - and because kids love to twist and pull things, which is a completely different issue.

All well and good. But there was one line in the AP story about the comptuers that caught my cynical little eye:

"The devices will be lime green in color, with a yellow hand crank, to make them appealing to children and to fend off potential thieves -- people would know by the color that the laptop is meant for a kid."

Yeah, 'cause thieves have ethics. Isn't it about time for those annual stories about some yahoo cleaning out a cache of Christmas toys intended for a sad group of orphans withi no arms or something? Then again, every time one of those stories makes the news, the public responds with even better toys for the unfortunate tots. Which have made me wonder how many of thoe burglaries are inside jobs. Such thoughts may be why I may not be going straight to heaven.

If they said that thieves would be less likely to steal the computers because they were butt-ugly - now that reason, I may buy.

Denier (and dumbass?)

BBC NEWS | Europe | Austria holds 'Holocaust denier': "UK revisionist historian David Irving has been arrested in Austria under laws against denying the Holocaust.

Mr Irving was detained after a routine check on a motorway last Friday by police acting on a 1989 arrest warrant issued by a Vienna court, police said.

He told a libel hearing in London in 2000 that the Nazi gas chambers had never existed - that they were 'completely fictitious'.

He lost the case and the judge branded him 'an active Holocaust denier'.

Mr Irving was arrested in the southern province of Styria.

The historian was apparently on his way to address a students' club in Vienna when he was stopped."

OK, first thing's first - if it's well known that denying the Holocaust is a crime in Austria, and you're one of the world's most notorious Holocaust deniers, you think it's a good idea to go to Austria for a publicized visit? I know there's such a thing as making a point, but geez ...

Actually, I'm kind of torn about this story. Part of me is distressed that a person can be arrested merely for the words that he says. I'm one of those crazy black people who think that the Klan should be allowed to march anywhere they want - 'cause the more people who realize how nuts they are, the better. And there are reasons for somone to deny the Holocaust actually happened. Like they didn't witness the events directly. Or don't have any relatives who died during it. Or are complete and utter morons with cat poop for brains.

Caught red-handed - and red-nosed

Click on the title of this posting to read the culmination of the story of the escaped Texas death-row inmate and how he was caught - blotto in front of a liquor store in Shreveport, Louisiana. Now, I'm opposed to the death penalty for several reasons, moral and logical - but, if you're going to go through the efort of escaping from Death Row - particularly Texas Death Row - ye cats, do something with it. Don't just get pie-faced in a parking lot. Idiot.

This is only a test

My friend Beth is having trouble posting to her blog (which is bookmarked below), so she asked me to try to post something to mine to see if this is a system-wide problem or just her. ;)

So here I go.

The thing is, I have nothing to say at this particular moment, an occupational hazard of having jost awakened on a beautiful Saturday morning. So I'm going to make something up. Please don't read anything into the following statement. I don't need the letter(s).

Here I go:

Bunnies are evil!

Again, please disregard the above declaration. I'm sure the vast majority of bunnies are soft, cuddly and law-abiding citizens of the animal-American community. In fact, I had a cousin who was married to a bunny, and it went fine until the bunny died of an overdose of carrots and rum.

Too much information? Sorry.

Understatement

I think we all appreciate the efforts pharmaceutical companies make to warn us, during their spiffy commercials, of all the different ways their wonder drugs could kill or maim us. OK, maybe we just make fun of the way the drug companies warn us about how that medicine that will lower our cholesterol may cause our livers to explode - or how the new stuff that seals up leaky bladders could cause our livers to explode. (Come to think of it, how come all of the drugs could affect livers adversely? I take that seriously.)

Nevertheless, occasionally one of these commercials crosses a line, so to speak. I take you to a spot I saw tonight on Advair, an asthma drug that has been out for some time, though this is the first time I noticed this little chestnut:

"... Rare, but serious asthma-related fatalities occurred in a study with Serevent, one of the components of Advair ..."

Gee, that sounds pretty nasty compared to those NON-SERIOUS asthma-related fatalities. :)

And now for something completely different!

Porn versions of popular TV shows!

"Fill-more Girls"
"CSXXX: Crime Scene Fornication"
"The Wet Wing"
"Lust"
"The Sopornos" (wait, I think that's already been used by an actual movie"
"Desperately Horny Housewives"
"69th Heaven"
"Everybody F***s Raymond"
"Holding Hands in the City" (reverse psychology)
"Boned"
"The Orifice"
"Stacked" (oh, that's the name of an actual sitcom starring Pamela Anderson)