Wow! Talk about service with a smile! Those must be really good sandwiches! (Or really awful, depending on exactly why the restaurant is offering, er, such a bonus.)
I'm a writer.
I'm an author. (Wait, isn't that the same thing? Oh, never mind.)
I'm a Cubs fan (the cross I must bear).
I'm a liver transplant recipient (the greatest favor in the world).
I'm a professional smartass.
I make a mean plate of scrambled eggs.
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