Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Meow ... Ka-Pow! (Or, why Florida may not be the weirdest state in the nation)

It's been a weird 24 hours in the human multiplex, weird enough where you really, really, want that conclave in Rome to get started, like, now in order to give us a diversion from the wackiness that is permeating our existences. So weird, in fact, that the news that Britney is indeed carrying the Federline child seems almost normal, yo. But the news out of Wisconsin may take the unholy cake, at least for this da. Seems that the state best known for Brett Favre, Fonzie and cheddar may soon have another distinction to hang on its mantle - as the only state of the union to make hunting stray cats legal. Hunting, as in "get the gun, Momma, there's a couple of wild calicos outside."

Seems that an advisory poll conducted by the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources has determined that a majority of state citizens is in favor of removing stray cats from the "protective species" list (or, more accurately, making them "unprotected") and thus fair game for the outdoorsmen who don't get enough of a challenge out of taking aim at the deer, turkeys and occassional illegal immigrant that run wild through the forests. All of this is the brainchild of one Mark Smith of La Crosse (see, one man can make a difference), who insists he's not a cat hater but, he told the local newspaper, "if you open the door and kick your cat out at night, you've changed its status." (Profound, no?)

Any kill-the-kitty law is far from a certainly, but it's only a matter of time until the folks at PETA climb onto this puppy - and, perhaps, until some ambitious schmo publishes a feline-centric cookbook. Waste not, want not, you know. Meanwhile, Carli Hiaasen, the Miami Herald columnist who writes such blisteringly witty satiric novels about his home state, may want to consider setting his next book in a more northern location - unless he figures that the Midwestern folk in Wisconsin may be a bit too odd even for him.

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