Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Respect your elders, young man!

Jack LaLanne, American's first fitness celebrity, will be 93 years old in September is still going strong, proving that all of us lard asses should have been listening to him all these years. But while LaLanne is still pursuing an active schedule of preaching his company line of steady exercise and proper nutrition, there's a guy in Florida (natch) who wants to take things to a different level. A younger man named Roland Fortin has challenged LaLanne to a good-natured four-round exhibition boxing match. Fortin is 91 years young, a former cut man who winters in the craziest state in the land. He placed a large ad in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel on Super Bowl Sunday with his idea, his way of direct communicating with LaLanne.

So far LaLanne has ducked Fortin; his spokesperson sights both his busy touring schedule and the fact that, despite his still-great physique, he is retired from public feats of strength. (Among other things, LaLanne swam from Alcatraz to Fisherman's Wharf - twice. Both times he was handcuffed; the second time he also was shackled to a half-ton boat. He was 60 at the time. Stud.) But Fortin is persisting and plans to bring boxing promoter Don King into the mix in an effort to move things along.

Now, go ahead, admit it - you thought he was dead, didn't you? No, Don King is still alive and well. But betcha Jack LaLanne could kick his ass in 10 seconds - that is, so long as King isn't armed.

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