Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Scientology's got nothing on this!

It wasn't enough for Academy Award winner Ben Affleck to raise the population of Red Sox Nation by having a daughter with wife and kick-ass artist Jennifer Garner. No, now he's got to get greedy. One of Affleck's next projects will be narrating a new DVD called (I kid you not) Red Sox Baby: Raising Tomorrow's Boston Red Sox Fan Today. Ostensibly the video will be geared to the very young ones to teach them lessons of teamwork, spelling and color recognition. (Get it? "Red Sox, not White, boys and girls!") But at least the title of the project is honest - this is no less than the most sinister indoctrination video since that creepy Dharma Initiative film on Lost. "Welcome, kids, to a life of misery and suffering and inherent disappointment. Here's your hat and your T-shirt."

Oh, I'm sorry - that would be whatever the Cubs are doing to bamboozle win over impressionable souls. Psst - someone get John Cusack on the phone!

(P.S.: Of course I know the Red Sox have won the World Series very, very recently - but when the hell do you think that's going to happen again? Oh, and if you asked Affleck what was bigger to him - winning the Oscar or watching Boston finally win it all - I wonder what his answer would be.)

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